#50 Unearthing Self-Worth: Marc's Story of Personal Growth

Speaker 1: 0:00

There is this thought process with a lot of people that they think if I do this, this will just happen. If I lose this weight, then I will be happy with my life, if I get into this relationship, I'll be good with everything else. And things don't happen like that and we have to be purposeful. I wanted to get in shape. I did, but I also wanted to find my meaning, find my why, find some purpose on all this. Yeah, I remember sitting in my office one day and I told myself just call your therapist. And he asked me straight up. He was like did you feel that losing the weight would be just the fix to everything? And I said, yeah, that's what I was. I've checked all the boxes. You have worked on one part of your life. You've worked on the things that people can see. You worked on the physical stuff. He's like you haven't worked on yourself yet.

Speaker 2: 0:47

What's going on, everybody? This is your man, lionel. I am super excited to be with you in this place and in this space again, as we talk about how do you get from where you are to where you wanna be, that's the topic of conversation. So let's make this show happen. It's time for Words for Change, where we're back with our guest today, mark. But, son, what's going on, mark?

Speaker 1: 1:13

Lionel, I am so appreciative to be here. Thank you for having me. I'm just enjoying this great Sunday. That's all I'm doing. Thank you so much I know.

Speaker 2: 1:21

It is a great Sunday man. You are out in the Georgia area what I learned pre-show and I'm in San Diego. Love, love, love San Diego man. We actually moved here recently. I'm active due to military, so I travel and go back and forth quite a bit, and so prior to here, we've been watching state. But now we're here, man, in San Diego man, we actually get a chance to see sun after all the rain. Yup, yeah, man. So, hey, everybody, we have Mark here. Let me tell you something about Mark. Y'all know I do my research and Mark is. He's a stud. Okay, mark is a. He has a business called a 6 am run club. He's the host of a relatively normal podcast and a 6 am run podcast. Mark is a certified fitness trainer. Mark has been. I went and checked out some of his websites and we'll talk about that here in a minute. Mark, I'm gonna let you go through all of that stuff, but Mark has transformed his life and from his career. He's been a great coach and, from you know, an individual who experienced a lot of pain that led to him being overweight. Am I right, mark? That's? correct yes, and he lost over 100 pounds. Is that right, mark? That is correct. Yes, okay, yeah, so that's just a small. Let me tell y'all something okay, I like to eat, and that's the problem. That's why I have to work out, cause I like to eat and I'm an older guy now I don't play sports like I used to, but, man, I'm telling you, trying to lose 10, 20, 30 pounds is a magnanimous feat. This brother lost so far, man. So Mark lost over 100 pounds and he's been doing the dog on thing, helping people all across the world with what he does, with his fitness program, 6am running club, all the podcasts he holds. He's been in the game for a very, very long time and I'm delighted to have him join us here on the Words for Change podcast today, mark. So Mark, you wanna fill in any of the spaces that I missed with all of that stuff, man? Well, come on to the show, by the way, yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:07

Thank you, I appreciate it. Well, first of all, let me say thank you for your service. My brother is active military. He's in the Navy. He's based outside of Jacksonville, Florida, so he has been in Northern California up in the DC area, so he's done the whole. I know what you're talking about when you gotta move around a lot. I know what you're talking about.

Speaker 2: 4:27

He's totally lying.

Speaker 1: 4:28

Yeah so they seem to have found their space in Florida. Now he's got two kids about to be in high school and one about to be in middle school. So you know it's tough with those kids. Like they find their friends, they find the people they like to hang out with and it's like guess what, we gotta go, so uh.

Speaker 2: 4:48

Mark, we just sent the daughter to college and, man, let me tell you something, she totally ghosted us. I almost like what is going on. I thought we were friends.

Speaker 1: 5:04

No, I'm here now. Yeah, I'll stay there. I'm here now, I'm good. So, but thank you for your introduction. You're absolutely right, there is, and I'll let the people know this. I, you know, growing up. I'm not gonna even sit here and tell you like I didn't get everything I needed as a kid growing up. I'm gonna sit here and tell you the truth. I'm not a person that you know, quote unquote had it hard and had to struggle and all that good stuff. And that's what really makes me do my best to understand any type of mental issue or mental opportunity that people may have, because a lot of times you can't see it Now. Just like you, I love food. Like I love food and for a portion of my life I liked bad food. And you know, leaving sports in college, getting to my adult life, no one was there to tell me constantly you gotta work out, gotta watch what you eat, gotta get up at this time and be working out at this time and you gotta be structured and all that stuff. And it hit me hard and you know back pain, ankle pain, knee pain, all that stuff. You know hard to wake up in the morning and as I got closer and closer to getting married, I was thinking to myself like I don't wanna be a dad that has to say no to my kids because I can't move, because I'm tired, because I just don't feel right. So that's when I understood how much your reasoning, how much your why meant. You had to find that why. And I never had found mine. I never had found mine. I had people in my life that cared about me, I had people in my life that wanted to see me succeed, but that never was enough. And then the thought of being a father and a husband. It's like wait a second. I need to be there for my family, for my kids, and that was my why to starting this journey.

Speaker 3: 7:10

I don't know what your future is, but if you're willing to take the harder way, the more complicated one, the one with more failures at first, there's successes. The one that has ultimately proven to have more meaning, more victory, more glory, than you will not regret it.

Speaker 2: 7:49

So let me ask you this question, mark how did you get there?

Speaker 1: 7:51

Like, what was the psychological experiences that led you to that spot, man, that is, that's such a good question because I had been through attempting to get and shaped, attempting to lose weight so many times and I'd lose 10, 15 pounds and I'd put it right back on. And I get with a buddy to work out, put it right back on. And I finally said you know, the first part of this journey was mostly about running and we can think of every excuse not to gather the house. We can think of like, and it's so many times I would tell myself I'm gonna work out tomorrow and then tomorrow come and be like I'm just so tired or my back hurts or whatever it is. And one day I just stopped working and I said, just go outside and run till you can't run anymore. Like, just go for a jog and just test yourself, because I'm still in that athlete mentality. I still think I can go run five miles. Right now I can do it. So I'm laughing because, boy, I tried that.

Speaker 2: 9:09

Hey, so let me so. Did you play? So you said you played sport. What did you? Did you run track or did you play ball? I played soccer in college and I played basketball and soccer throughout my life.

Speaker 1: 9:20

So I was a goalkeeper for Clemson. Oh, okay, yeah so when I'm telling you like I knew, conditioning, like I knew what I needed to do, but I was just so. I left the game with kind of a bad taste in my mouth and I think that had a lot to do with it where I just I didn't want anything to remind me of it. And so I went out that day and I literally ran half a mile and I was drenched in sweat, just absolutely drenched in sweat. And I like this story because on the way to this half a mile, this five minutes of running, I passed this bus which had the big mirrored windows and I remember I didn't see it on the way out, but I saw it walking back and I looked at myself and I just didn't know what happened. I didn't know how I got to this point and I told myself that I'm gonna run past this bus a couple of times a week and I'm not gonna stop running until I like what I see. And nine months later, and 75 pounds later, I finally got to a point and I know I skipped. Nine months is a short amount of time. Yeah, there's a lot going on there.

Speaker 2: 10:43

A lot going on there Like hey brother, listen, I can go outside and run and see me in a mirror and be like, okay, let me go grab a drink. You know what I mean. But like, how did you like? I wanna talk about that dash bro. I wanna talk about what happened, because that's not only physical transformation you experience, but what was that mental transformation?

Speaker 1: 11:13

It had to be something more than just like seeing that and going like it was and I talk about this a lot and because at this point, for this first part of it, the nine months was totally I'll be honest with you it was totally physical. It was totally physical and I wasn't working on my mental and I literally thought to myself and anybody listening, I wanna tell you right now there is this thought process with a lot of people that they think, if I do this, this will just happen. If I lose this weight, then I will be happy with my life. If I get into this relationship, I'll be good with everything else. And things don't happen like that. And we have to be purposeful, we have to live with purpose, we have to live with intent when it comes to the things that we want. I wanted to get in shape. I did. But I also wanted to find my meaning, find my why, find some purpose on all this. But I said to myself at this time, at this time, I said, if I lose this weight, I'm gonna be good, I'm gonna be happy, I'm gonna be fine. And so I lose, I'm sorry, I'm thinking, I'm anticipating.

Speaker 2: 12:27

I'm like, okay, he's about to drop Bum, okay, brother.

Speaker 1: 12:31

Sorry, I lose this weight. And before I lost weight I had been in weekly and bi-weekly therapy just to work through some things I had going on and I lose all this weight. And I remember sitting in my office one day and I told myself just call your therapist real quick, call him. If you haven't talked to him in a while, just call him. And I call him and I remember saying to him on the phone I said, doc, listen, I've gotten married, I bought the house, I got fit. I still don't feel like everything is there, I still don't feel happy. And he asked me straight up he was like, did you feel that losing the weight would be just the fix to everything? And I said, yeah, that's what I was. I've checked all the boxes, right, that's right.

Speaker 2: 13:23

Yeah, that's why I went through it. I checked all the boxes.

Speaker 1: 13:26

And he said you know what? I want you to come in for a few sessions and let's talk about this, because you have worked on one part of your life. You've worked on the things that people can see. You've worked on the physical stuff. He's like you haven't worked on yourself yet. We have to be, we have to do everything specifically and watch how they intertwine. Not one is over here that just immediately kicks to the other, like we have to work on both of them to see how they're connected, and that I mean I was on the phone I'm not allowed to be on the phones hearing up in my office because I was so like I had worked so hard to get where I was and I was like, oh, there's more work to do, there's more work to do.

Speaker 2: 14:11

So, mark, so I'm walking this, I'm walking with you through this journey. So you realize that it's gonna take more than physical fitness, which is something that we talk about a lot in the military. We talk about physical fitness with the Marines. We also talk about spiritual fitness. All right, so me and you know I'm a minister, I'm sure you figured that out but the big old title says Reverend Lionel somewhere. But I gotta get my horns together over here, so I can ping in every time, but I talk about what are the immaterial parts of who we are. That makes us who we are. So it sounds like you realize that, after you have checked the boxes of physical fitness and getting things right and having your personal physical life and material life in order, you were missing something. So what was that? What was the moment in your life when you realized, like, explain to us who are listening. What was it? Was it emptiness that you felt? Did you feel frustrated? Were you mad angry? Were you still trying to go through childhood stuff that was just kicking your butt or what?

Speaker 1: 15:39

It was my relationship with myself. That's what was missing and I'm gonna explain it to you real quick and it doesn't really take that much time. Is? I am a very empathetic person, I am a very giving person and I will give you the shirt off my back, I will give you the last dollar out of my wallet. I would do anything I can to make you okay, and I had not been doing the same thing for myself. I had. I would any drop of a hat. If a friend needed something, I'm up out of bed, anything. I had zero boundaries. I had zero just you know worth for myself. I thought everything else was worth more than me. And through this journey in the past two years of this journey, I've started to prioritize my own feelings and prioritize how important I am. And that's tough for a lot of people. I understand that's tough for a lot. We're almost taught sometimes to give. It's better to give than receive. It's be open. I understand all that, but what I tell people and what I had to understand myself is that if someone were to go through and just list everything that's important to them in their life whether that be their kids, their parents, their loved ones, their wife, their husband, their hobbies, their job, anything that is important to them that they hold high, there's one common denominator and that's you. It's literally you. And with I started to understand that if I did not take care of my mental and physical health, if I didn't take care of my emotional health, if I didn't just become the best version of myself, I will let others down when I thought it was. The other way around. I thought if I didn't take care of everybody else, I would let myself down. Wow, and we talk about intrinsic versus extrinsic things and internal meaning versus external. We talk about all that stuff and we talk about and I'm teaching this to my girls now because we know how kids are Like they when they're younger, they want all. They buy me this, I want this, I want these things. And I asked them all the time I said do you girls only love me when I buy you stuff? And I do it as a joke. I do it as a joke at the same time. But at the same time I want them to hear and be like oh wait, well, no, and they have to think you see their little brains going Like they know it's a joke. But then they're like no, like, even if daddy didn't buy you stuff, like he's still daddy, like he would still. And so through this whole process, if we were to go back the last 10 years of my life, you could probably look at like a year I was going through physical changes and a year I was going through mental changes in like six months and six months and whatever, whatever. And then it wasn't until one day I'm getting. You know, therapy might just normal checkup and I think to myself I'm, I have a coach for my mental health. Why have I never had a coach for my physical health? Like it just, it makes sense, it makes sense For sure. And then the next day I went out and got a physical trainer. I got my own personal trainer and he wasn't necessarily showing. Of course, he was showing me things I hadn't known before. But it's weird when somebody on the outside and you know this, being the military, it's almost like someone on the outside pushes you past this preconceived limit that you have, Right, man? Oh, I'm right now see.

Speaker 2: 19:39

Because there are a lot of people that have limits right now. You know, let me shade this real quick and just put a pin, because I've wrote that down preconceived limits. I'm writing it down right now. So meant my daughter, one of my daughters. I have three daughters, one son and three grandsons, three boys. Oh, congratulations, thank you. I love them. They're awesome kids. So one of my 16 year old she said that I'm going for a run today for five miles. Now, when she said this, I was like I don't feel like running. It was my birthday yesterday, so me and my wife had a long day together Like hanging out. She took me out downtown. It was our first time hanging out downtown in San Diego, so it was really a good time. We enjoyed ourselves hanging out and all the sites and people. It was just so cool. So I was like well, today I'm just going to recoup. So my daughter says fast forward. She says I'm going for a run and the first thing that came to my mind was go with her. I was like I don't think I can do this today and so I decided to, and what I realized I didn't realize until after the run. Okay, so I start out and she just takes off running, mark, and I'm like I can't keep up with that. So I'm just, and we were running uphill, so I'm like I can't keep up with that. And then, as I see people passing by on the road, you know that ego kicks in. The ego is like man, that girl is out running you, and I'm like, no, but if I try to run out, gas out I won't last. And so, long story short, we go running. And then my mentality kicks in right, the running thing. I've run I'm not a professional running, nothing like that. But I'm not like you, mark, not even close. But I've ran a marathon before, so I know I trained for it, so I know you got to pace yourself, breathe and all this kind of stuff. So it kicks in, all of that training starts kicking in, and I get into a rhythm, I find my pace and I'm like, okay. And then, but I noticed she starts breathing hard and I'm like, oh, so I get in front of her. I said let me pace her. So I get in front of her and pace her and I paced her through the from start to finish. It was only it was five miles At the very end, mark. Here's the kick of the, the results here in the store, because she said she was super excited. I said why you said? She said because that's the first time I ran five miles. I was like what she said? It was the first time, I said, but I thought you was running, she's not. The most I've ever run was a, a, five K, 3.1 or 3.5 or something like that. Mark and I had no clue that I had the honor and privilege, had no clue to help her run her first five miles and she's going to remember that for the rest of her life and so will I, that I was a part of that event in her life. And I told her. I said faith, you know, I realized that you were breathing hard and you wanted to stop a few times and I kept telling you no, I said I'll slow down, but we have to keep running. I Said because if you stop I used to tell my wife this if you stop, you drop. We say that's the same. We have a military. If you stop, you drop. You know, cuz your body was like I know, if you don't have the mental sport or two, you just be like, okay, I'm not gonna. So I kept telling her. I said I knew that we were running uphill, oh Like for at least two miles uphill. And I said, but on the way back, as we went to five and then turned around, I said on the way back, well, we'll make up time, it's downhill, it's just like okay, yeah, yeah, you're right. And so I didn't realize that. Here's the what I was getting at. This long story around the bin. Everybody knows I got long stories around me, say short stories. Her brother starts talking for five minutes. So anyway, she said it was the first time I ran five mile. I said, yeah, you ran it. I said, but when you got to that three, five, that four miles, I said it's all mental. I Said, for at least I'm not, but I was like it's all mental. And so what we did was we pushed through her perceived Limitation, which is kind of what you were talking about. So that was my experience with that. You was about to say I'm about you limitations, her own brother. Let them talk, let them talk. Okay, I'm sorry, mark, go ahead.

Speaker 1: 24:34

Don't, don't even apologize, because I love, I love stories like that, especially when it involves running, because that is like you can ask anybody who is a runner. They've they have a story like that because, whether it has to do with time, distance or speed, like you can, you can ask a sprinter. I never thought I'd, you know, and I never thought I'd break a 10 seconds. And then I'm 98 and then I never thought I break 98, I'm the 97 and then like it's, it's so, and a lot of them involve other people, you know the I used to have. I go on a lot of just moderate runs now and then I'll go on a run with, with someone and it's like, ah, this person Threw on a little faster than me, and it's like you'll get to three, four miles and you're like I, I did not think I had that in me, mmm and these, these limits are and listen, I want people understand like don't, don't go out and try to push your limit like a meat, don't listen to this. Like you know what I'm gonna go do it right now. Like those limits are there for a reason. Like we, we Self-preservation, like we like, like David Goggins man I'm trying to please stop. There's a reason why there's only one day.

Speaker 2: 25:52

Reason let me just this claim a do not I can see somebody right, then I'm gonna run ten right? Nope, don't do it, I'm telling you find out.

Speaker 1: 26:10

I think about this all the time because I have. I don't want to have a unique perspective, but I have a perspective in the fact that I believe people have their own timetable, people have their own way of doing things and you know, we we get caught in this all or nothing approach where we'll be in a funk and, believe me, marketers know what they're doing We'll be in a funk and then we'll hear this one thing oh, are you in a funk? Go do this. And it's like our brain immediately attaches to it and says I have to do exactly what they're saying right now. And While I love influencer influencers, why I love fitness professionals, why I love all these people Everyone will tell you this is the way to do it. And you look like well, this person said this. And they said that was a way to do it. Well, this person said this and that's listen, I Find, find your way to do it. There's no point, there's no, no, no mean try. What you want to try, and I'm gonna tell you this right now is that a Happiness does not come. I can speak from personal experience. Happiness has not come from a result. It's never come from a result. It's never come from a arbitrary Happiness is in the process. That's where the happiness is, mark and bro. Happiness is and I want, I want to tell and I want to explain.

Speaker 2: 27:37

I want to explain to you because I don't.

Speaker 1: 27:38

I'm not just a type of person. I was gonna like to say words and be like oh, you figure out the meaning.

Speaker 2: 27:43

No, I'm not.

Speaker 1: 27:43

Listen, I am. I am not that I'm not that deep, believe me, I'm not, because, listen, one of the biggest issues I want people to know, one of the biggest issues for when people start any fitness program, whether they asked me to help them, whether they asked one of my anybody else I want to look a certain way, I want to feel a certain way, I want to get to a certain number, whatever it is like. I'm not gonna bash you for wanting to to get to places, but the hardest part of the entire thing is the sustainability, because of the people who lose the amount of weight that I've lost in my life Less than 5%. Keep it off, mmm, less than 5%. So you tell me right now how many people were happy, as you know what to get to that number. They're. I'm where I'm supposed to be. I'm good, I did it. Job is complete, mmm. So now you'll hear a lot of people in the fitness industry to talk about Getting people off their programs, what that looks like, what the sustainability part looks like, I've, I've, I've talked to, I've talked to. Probably in the last six months, I've talked to four or five people in the fitness industry that have talked about this specifically Because I had never thought about it before. And they said you know the the Number one goal of a fitness professional is to get people off their program, and I want people to think about that. I want people to think about that, for the number one part of a fitness professional Is to get people successfully off their program and that means making sure they take away all of the tricks of the trade, all of the Mindset tools to sustain all the work that they've done. Right, because I tell you right now, what makes a person happy is when they're a month off of a training program and they and they make a correct decision and they Limit the amount of bad fats, or they limit the amount of added sugars, or they don't eat after they don't. Emotionally, they're, they're cognizant enough, they're mindful enough to say I am Extremely upset right now. Let me drink this glass of water Before I decide to binge eat on sweets, on candy, on hamburgers, hot dogs, all that stuff. Let me calm down Before I make this poor decision. That is, and when you do that, I can. I'm telling you right now I about when you do that and you get to that and you're like that is happiness right now, when you Understand that I, what I have taken, what I have learned and I've become a better person for it, that's the happiness right there.

Speaker 2: 30:39

So man, you know what makes that powerful? In a lot of ways, happiness is the process. When you, when you mention happiness is a process, it took me a while to learn it and I'll be honest with you, man, because I am very impatient. I think everything should be perfect now. That's how I function and it's it's. It's a problem for me Because I will overthink it or I'll take too long and procrastinate, or whatever case may be. So talk about that process. You say happiness is a process. What does that process look like? Feel like? What is it? Is it? Is it what is what? Should people relate that to in their own?

Speaker 1: 31:25

lives that is. I Don't think you realize how great of a question that is, because, just like you, so many people are impatient With the things that they want in life. However, I'm gonna tell you right now if you look at a person who is in shape, if you look at a person who is you, do you feel that they're? They're mentally In shape, emotionally in shape, if they've come from a place where they were down. Regardless if you want to work with them or not, that's a person you need to sit down and talk to, because what that person has learned is delayed gratification. That person has learned that the first time I went for a run, that five minutes I told you about. In my head I'm thinking, okay, I'm going to get this running, I'm going to feel good, I'm going to feel great, I'm going to look good, I'm going to look great. Thank God I had those mirrors there, those windows, because at that point I realized this is going to be a process. This is going to be and people may look at me and say, oh, nine months isn't that long Of a person who is overweight, with bad knees, a bad back, not living a life he wants to live. Nine months is an eternity is an eternity, and that wasn't it. Like we're talking, we haven't talked about the peaks and the valleys, and surgeries, all that stuff that I went through. But looking back and you talked about this before, about looking at life and looking at our past, as our experience changes, our experience changes, something we need to embrace. Looking back, I would not have had it any other way because I look back and I see everything that I took from everything I learned, everything I went through and that process has made me the father, husband, friend, son, cousin, nephew, uncle. It has made employee, coworker, leader, all that stuff. It has made me the person I am today and it has delayed my now. I know, now I know at the age I am now, is that if I want something, it's going to take time. But guess what I'm not gonna do? I'm not gonna go through the motions. I'm gonna enjoy that process because I've been through what I've been through. I know this is where it is Like. I'm gonna take it as much as I can. I'm gonna involve the people that I want to be involved in. I'm gonna be able to, you know, the people who don't bring joy to this process. I'll be able to say you stay in your lane, I'm gonna stay in my, I'm not gonna kick them out of my life. I'm not gonna do that because I want them around, because I want to see the opposite of what I wanna be. That's what I, you know. I wanna see that and it has changed me in a whole different perspective and I'm so happy that I went through that process.

Speaker 2: 34:28

So, now that you've gone through the process, you've gone through this evolution physical, now mental, psychological yeah, now you're on the other side and now we're talking about maintaining right. So did you continue the therapy process? Did you drop it? How did you, as you said so eloquently before, how did you sustain right? You talked about fitness programs, saying that we need to figure out how to how people sustain. You talked about how you needed to sustain yourself, right, talking about having that coach, like. So, when people are saying, okay, mark, I hear you loud and clear, dog, I got it, I understand, but how do I maintain? And what will it take for me to maintain? And I'm talking about that nitty gritty, bro, I'm talking about you mentioned just a moment ago. It's like people that you should have, maybe like anyone else would have exited those people. He was like nope, I want you to stay closed because I want you to see what I. I want you to be my opposite.

Speaker 1: 35:46

I said deep, yeah yeah, that's something I work on daily and I have a plan in place like, listen, I, people will and I don't mean to generalize, but as a population, we will just think tomorrow is there. We will just think that if I can't make it today, I'll make it tomorrow. There was a point in my life about a little over a year, year and a half ago, where I was working at a startup company and for anybody who hasn't worked at a startup before, like, whatever your title is, you do a lot more than that and I was like a position where I had a lot of work.

Speaker 2: 36:40

You started church, dog, you think you're gonna do the only thing is preach. I learned that when I started some churches, like I'm just gonna go study and come out, and now, man, it was like no, you gotta be a lawyer, you gotta be a tax expo. I was like I don't know if I really wanna do this, oh that was perfect.

Speaker 1: 36:57

That was perfect, absolutely correct. And I remember working 10, 12, 14 hour days and, of course, this is during this process. Again, I'm not, I am not upset about what I did. I did what I did. I, looking back, I chose to do this and but this is also why where, thank goodness, I had a personal trainer, because I had time on my clock, that I had to be there, and if you know me, like I, if I say I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna be there. If we make time, I'm gonna make time, and thank goodness for that. So, but I'm working late one day and I say late, it was 5, 36 o'clock at night, but I've been working since eight in the morning, so I should have been off two hours ago. My daughter comes in my office, which I'm actually recording in right now, and outside is where we have the front of the house and the basketball net. She says daddy, do you wanna come outside and shoot hoops with me? And this is the daughter that lives and dies by sports, love sports, soccer, basketball, football, everything. She wants to do it all. I said sorry, honey, I'm working. I apologize, I can't do it right now, and she was sad, of course she left and I got to thinking about this a couple hours later and I told myself I was like, wait a second, why did I just do that? Like that's my daughter. That means more than this job does. And I told her no, I couldn't, because I'm working when I should be off. Like, wait a second, that's not who I am. And the reason I tell that story one is because I want people to understand that you can't get time back Like you can't listen. Every time my daughter asks me to do something, I make sure I'm able to do it Now if it's truly, if I'm truly able to do it. But I really wish I could go back in time and get that one moment back, because she wanted to play basketball with her dad and I mean we threw the football yesterday. I've coached her inside. We threw the football yesterday. I've coached her in soccer. But the one thing to answer your question that you asked me about maintaining, sustaining all that good stuff is I mentioned this before I prioritize myself, and if I can't prioritize myself, I make time to do it. There are three or four times a week I wake up before five o'clock in the morning to go work out, because I know my kids get on the bus at seven and 30. I know I have to get work done. I know when my kids get home they have soccer practice. I know after that I have dinner, I have all this stuff and out of the day I can choose to work out at nine o'clock at night. But let me ask people right now you've gone through your entire day working, cooking, cleaning, getting the kids. Nine o'clock. You feel like working out? You don't. And even if you have the time, you will talk yourself out of it. So I say I'm gonna get this done first thing in the morning and that way my day is set. I don't have to think about my physical fitness, I can think about my family and my job and my household and I don't even have to worry about it. So for people looking to maintain and sustain, you have to understand that you're not gonna have anybody setting those times for you. You're not gonna have anybody saying hey, mark, can we work out at seven am, eight am, 10 am or after work at five? No, so go into it knowing you're going to be the one setting it up. So pick a time that works better for you. And here's the thing, I have a very flexible work schedule. I know some people don't, but you never know until you ask If you have, if you go like how many people. I understand that, that we all have different bosses, but if you go to your boss or anybody else hey, listen, you've seen my transition Like you've been very happy with what I've done in my life. I've used this time to better myself. I really want to maintain Is it possible I could start this time or have my lunch at this time or do this? And the worst thing they can tell you is no. And if it's no, then it's like okay, I tried, I did my best, let me see what I can do. But what does it tell you? Yes, what if they're like me as a leader and say you know what? I appreciate the work that you're doing, I appreciate the person you've become. Let me know how I can help you.

Speaker 2: 41:31

Man you helping me. So you help me right now, cause you, you know we. You said several things One, being present with your kids the people that mean most to you be present. Two, you said if you want to sustain, you got to be willing to ask the at least confronted barriers that could prohibit your sustainability. Okay, got that. And then you said that you know you have to be willing to. You know if a person, if you have people that you're accountable to that give you a hard time with that, well, at least you made an attempt. Right, that's huge, cause I'm sitting here thinking I need to do better about that. I need to do better about that. Like how many of you guys listening did not in your mind, have visual pictures as Mark was talking about the areas in your life that you've turned the most important thing away that you should have been focusing on, and one that you did not allow yourself the courage to ask for sustainability so that you can keep a healthy lifestyle. So, mark, I'm definitely going to thank you for that, because that's huge man. That's huge Cause tomorrow's not promised, there's so right about that. And as a minister or a guy who focuses on spiritual things, not just that, but that's least the essence of what I do, what I do in part. I tell people that all the time and I believe that, but sometimes my actions and my belief system don't always match.

Speaker 1: 43:20

And I want to. I don't want to cut you off, but in that moment, in that moment because everybody has that same little moment, whether it's spirituality, energy, whatever it is allow yourself grace, like, understand that none of us are perfect and that's I understand. That's cliche, I understand, and a lot of people use it when they've done the worst things in the world. I understand that. But for a person, the reason I say that is because we'll miss a workout, we'll miss a play date, we'll miss something, and then it will ruin our day, it will ruin our week, it will ruin our month. It will stay with us. But for people listening, if you wake up late and you miss a workout, or if you have to stay late at work and you can't make it to something that you've promised, understand that those things are going to happen. Allow yourself grace, say you know what. I understand it happened. I cannot change it. Now I'm going to move on to the next day. I'm going to apologize to whoever. I need to apologize if I need to, but don't let it stop you from being the person you are, because that will linger for so long. If I want to be this person and my actions say otherwise, guess what? You're human, right? I'll talk to you about what I did yesterday. Who cares, right? I mean, allow yourself grace. You know that grace mark.

Speaker 2: 44:51

It's great that grace is being used religiously. It's not exclusively a religious term, but no, you're a bit. You know. That's something that we can all gather from. Sit back, take a breather, know that you're not perfect, you're going to make mistakes, you know. Hopefully you're in an environment where people can understand and work with you through that moment. But that's part I think that's part of sustainability, like having that grace right, like towards yourself. Like you said at the very beginning, one of the issues you have was you, just your relationship to yourself wasn't that good, right. And so I think people listening are going to say, well, hey, you know, you know. I think people are always going to try and make excuses for why I can't, I can't, I can't right. The path of least resistance is what we usually will take. But if you practice grace, know that you're not perfect, get back on the bike, rewrite your business plan, go back and ask another person for the loan you know how many loans, speaking of loans and persistency and consistency and grace you know how many loans it took for Howard Schultz, the starter of Starbucks, to get some out of the finances idea. Over 220 knows. Think about that. Over 220 knows before he got a yes. And so if you take, think about what the 100 know meant, think about what the 50 know, think about what the 60, think about what the 150, you think that person said, man, I'm going to throw in the towel. I'm sure he thought about walking away, but the grace right that, the sense of okay, I got to keep trying. There's another way. It doesn't mean you're not going to get tired and sweat and because Mark is a fitness guy, he's a fitness trainer, he this makes sense to him for sure but you're going to sweat, you're going to pour tears, your feet going to hurt, your legs going to hurt. It's just going to happen. If you understand the journey was what Mark talked about. Right, understanding it's the process, that's the joy Then maybe that could help you become more sustainable. So, mark, as a matter of fact, guys, I have Mark's website right here, I think there it is, this Mark's website. Look at that handsome dude posing with his shirt off. So yeah, no, mark's website is a Pesot Fitness. Did I say that, right, mark?

Speaker 1: 47:48

Yeah, pesot, pesot.

Speaker 2: 47:49

Pesot. Sorry, pesotfitnesscom. Actually it is what's the actual, what's the actual.

Speaker 1: 47:58

You can just Google it and it'll pop up yeah, or just go PesotFitnesscom, so you can do that too. Copy.

Speaker 2: 48:07

So, for those of you who are watching on YouTube, you see me interacting with his website right here right now. But this is Mark's website. You can see his transformation right here. Pretty awesome stuff. He's serious about the dog on things. So, mark, what's some of the final thoughts you want to share? Right, we went through the whole process of yes, it was physical journey that I needed to change. I saw myself in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw Then, secondly, there was a lot of psychological changes in mental, physiological, but psychological and in material pieces that you went through Thanks to therapy, coaching. You went through all of that process. You dealt with some childhood stuff. Okay, now you understand that. Hey, I want to maintain, right. So now we're talking about maintaining. Now we're talking about prioritizing what's most important in order to maintain ie grace, ie be present. What are some closing thoughts you want to share with people who still want to say I can't do this? You guys are different Y'all like David Goggins. I'll tell you we're not David Goggins dog. I'm telling you a matter of fact when I get done with this interview, I'm going to be looking for the first thing to eat. That's probably unhealthy, thank you.

Speaker 1: 49:40

I had a Belgian waffle. I had a Belgian waffle. We're even got it here with some good syrup. Yeah, yeah, but I will leave people with this One. We're not talking about a lot of time. Yes, do I spend a lot of time at the gym? Yeah, but I got to, you know, most of the time. You know I'm working out with people I'm talking to. I know people there, I'm working out. I'm training my sister right now. She was doing a great job. But I want people to understand that, without purpose or intent, there really is no reason to be doing this. And I don't want to seem black and white and I don't want to seem, you know, mean when I say that. But the fact is this if you look in the mirror, if you talk to people, if you wake up in the morning and you figure you're happy where you're at, then stay there. Then stay there. I'm telling you right, like people won't tell you this. People like I'm telling you right, you don't have to listen to anything I've said. You can say a mark is full of you know, and I have no problem with it. However, if you're listening to this and say, you know what that guy is. He's nice, he's empathetic, he hasn't beat me up, he's talked about his own issues, like, and I kind of want to have a little bit of that. Then pick something that you can do with intent. I would tell you right now running is not for everybody, swimming is not for everybody, the gym is not for everybody. But if you really like your outside of your house to look nice, start gardening it. Gardening, but do it with intent. Start seeing how many calories you burn while you're doing that. If you really like living on a beach or vacationing or going to the if you live 30 minutes in the beach, guess what? Drive to the beach, go for a walk on the beach, do and I want to tell people this because I want you to succeed. I am not belittling you, I am not making fun of the things you do, but I really want you to succeed. Find something you like and make it into a sport, make it into a fitness routine. I love running, I do. I love going to the gym. I don't like cycling, I'm not a big fan of swimming yet I don't like hiking, I don't like. So I don't. You don't see me like making myself hike, but I will go out for a run and I will go to the gym and those are the things that I like. So find the thing that that you can do with intent and purpose and then make it into that game for yourself.

Speaker 2: 52:26

Awesome man. Wow, what, what a great interview, Mark. We walked through some important things, man, so my final question is what's next in in in your life? What's the next move for you? What's the next thing that you're looking to accomplish in order to sustain all this great stuff you're doing, brother?

Speaker 1: 52:48

I'm glad you actually asked me that I I've started actually doing one-on-one soccer training because I've done basketball in the past and and I'm I've just started with a young girl who is the senior in high school going to play, you know, college soccer next year. And the reason I want to do this is because, yes, I can get you into physical shape, but I would love to help people with that transition from high school to college ball, um. So I'm going to start doing that and then, of course, just continuing with the personal training and making sure that I allow people to just be cool with who they are. I don't want to beat anybody up. I want people to see that this process can actually be fun. Like I said, happiness is in the process. Let's do that together.

Speaker 2: 53:38

I man to that brother. Well, man, I I am. I am excited, mark, and very, very, uh blessed to have to get to know you, to know your story, to know what you're doing in the world to make this world a better place. This podcast is all about the words that are spoken, uh, that can change our lives right. That can really empower people, or can it can tear down people, or it can power people. It can create a very hostile world, or we can begin creating a better world through the words that we speak in in the story. The words that you share today, I think, will help us accomplish that goal and accomplish that mission. So we want to continue to support what you're doing. So, once again, mark, how can people connect with you if they want to know more? Not only your website I have your website here but give us some socials or whatever, and I'll make sure I include all of this stuff in the show notes. But if people want to connect you and get connected with your physical, your personal training program, how can they get in contact?

Speaker 1: 54:42

I'll tell you right now the the easiest way of is either going to be on LinkedIn that you can just uh use Mark Paisant M-A-R-C-P-A-I-S-A-N-T. And then IG with my relatively normal which is relatively normal pod on IG and Paisant underscore fitness on IG. Those are the easiest ways to find me and I respond. I'll tell you right now if you just if you're not looking to get a trainer or anything like that, or you just want someone to to listen and someone to bounce some ideas off of. I love talking to people about being the best versions of themselves, so hit me up, I'm always available.

Speaker 2: 55:22

Hey, man, to that. Well, guys, another podcast in the books. Man, I am happy that you guys got a chance to meet Mark. Mark, I'm so glad, man, that we connected. I look forward to further connections, uh, in the in the near future. And so, man, we're going to bless you as you go and all your successes, everything that you're putting out on the table, all the people that you're helping, including your wonderful family. We want to wish you the best, man. May the Lord bless you, keep you, may the Lord calls the wonderful face of the divine to shine upon you. May you experience peace in your life and in that which is to come. So, brother, bless you, man. I look forward to talking with you soon. Okay, I appreciate it. This has been great. Well, guys, there you have it. What a wonderful, wonderful show with our special guest, mark Paison. Please make sure you check them out. Just to recap, here's what we talked about once again. We talked about right Sustainability. We talked about how, how you can sustain the changes that you go through simply by doing things that you like, giving yourself a little grace, having coaches in your life, having people in your life that could help you get from where you are to where you want to be. That's what this episode was all about, and for me, I think the most, one of the most important things Mark said was it's not just the physical things that make you happy, it's not just the nice house and nice cars and all of these things are great and a great career, but there's something deeper at play. So don't neglect the immaterial part of who you are. Don't neglect your soul. Don't neglect, neglect your spirit, but pay attention to those things. Just like you have a physical coach, you have with your physical body, you need a spiritual coach, somebody that can help you, and I'm absolutely available for those who are listening to help you connect with that. If you're new to the Words for Change podcast family website is right there chapstalkorg. We'd love to connect with you at any point, at any time to help you with your spiritual growth and personal growth process. But, guys, thank you so much for listening. We'll see you for the next podcast. Until next time, say things that make the world a better place. I'm out. Peace.